Tiredz.

its already 2 in the morning , i should be on my bed and sleep.

i've been experienced this when at the one phase i just dont want to fell in love with anybody. i just want to be a kid again where i just dont need to think about other and live my life happily. and i started to realize that how easily i let someone being into myself. i should keep myself properly and not let any other strangers come and distract me at the first place. i didnt say that i dont need someone's. everyone was created by a pair, human's natural tendency. who am i to turn down what already Allah created for all His slaves.

i dont want to pressure myself anymore. i should put myself first whenever i'll make any decisions. learn from past and look forward in the future. people come and go. so you have to deal with it, Ellina. dont easily being dumped by any other persons. not all persons deserves to be nice.

xoxo

Nothing lasts forever

So many things i've learnt in this 18 years of living (not so eighteen actually) . People leave. Relationship ends. Memories being forget. Feelings fade away. People die. i hate myself how i controlled everything. crying for nothing. laughing over petty things. the more i learnt the more i knew that nothing lasts forever. at this one point i realize this is actually phase of learning. learn how to be a strong person. learn how to make people comfortable with us. learn how to control our emotions. i know this quite challenging , but i need to overcome all this fears. Life must go on. In fact you just have to deal with it and fight back in constant battle to make you become stronger day by day. 

im just a human being, i need people attention , being first choice and feel the loved of someone im always want to be with. i wondered if anyone would crave my attention and presence. miss me like there's no tomorrow. love me without even care how crazy am i and accept me for who am i. Not by anyone but by someone who mean the most to me. i know this sound selfish, im just a human being, But for this moment i'll take what can i get. 

"If you dont fight for what you want, dont cry for what you lose"